Today I was scrubbing dishes at the sink while E was playing in the living room. Then suddenly I felt a tap on my foot. E had army crawled from the living room to the sink where I stood. I looked down at her and she looked up at me with a grin. And I melted.
The past few months have been difficult. I’ve cried quite a few tears over some “nevers” that sneak their way into my brain. The loudest never I hear is that we will never know “normal”. I know, I know, “normal” is just a setting on the dryer… But I think we can all agree our life so far isn’t normal.
Most days I’m really okay with it, but some days are hard. Today was one of those days. We have had a crazy busy three weeks and E is exhausted. I was yearning for her to know normal; At that exact moment I wishing that I could give it to E as a Christmas gift. But, she turned the tables and gave it to me instead.
When I looked down at her I saw normal. A mischevious, sweet baby girl looking for her Mama’s attention. Once gaining my attention she moved onto investigating the dishwasher and opening and closing the lowest kitchen drawers. Totally. Normal.
The odds are stacked against her, to be sure. But do you want to know the coolest thing? She doesn’t know it! Today, she heard me singing in the kitchen and she went to investigate. She moved her body and came and found me. Then, she communicated with me with a tap and a smile. Not once did she think that she couldn’t or never would.
I scooped her up midway through her opening and closing of the drawer and prayed and cried over her. I’ve cried over many “nevers” the last couple of months, but today I cried joyful tears over the “WILLS”. The nevers may continue to sneak in, but moments like this are exactly what I need to battle those nevers: her driven spirit that is totally unaware of “couldn’ts” and “can’ts” and “will nevers”… Perfectly paired with the persevering hope of her WILLS.
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