For her Papa.

How could I start a blog and not write about E’s Papa? This will be one of the hardest write, not because of any bad… but because of all of the good. I can’t keep it short, I can’t be coherent… he’s my favorite person. He’s her favorite person. Words won’t do him justice.

Also, he won’t like the fact that I wrote a whole post about him… because he’s humble, and he doesn’t like it when the attention is on him. And though I respect that… it’s Father’s Day. And he’s my baby’s Papa… and he deserves a post. 🙂

From day one, when the second blue line came into view… followed by 5 more home pregnancy tests… and 2 blood draws to absolutely, positively confirm what we knew… he was her Papa (and I was officially declared insane). He was excited, he was calm, he was good. Present at every appointment, bringing home orange soda and hash browns each time he went out, and scanning items to put on the registry.He was her Papa, taking care of her Mama.

He was the first to see her when she was delivered. He changed her first diaper, though she was unbelievably tiny and covered in wires. He drew flowers on her room’s white board. He saw her every single day of her 10 week NICU stay. He read to her, he held her, he loved her unconditionally from the start. He was her Papa.


The last two years have been filled with appointments, therapies, needles, wires and leads. He has sat in doctors offices and heard diagnoses, driven hundreds of miles, and has worked 40+ hours every week. He works hard, very late nights and doesn’t complain… and still has time to adore E.

And I mean, he really adores her. She lights up when he comes in the room. He’s silly, he makes her happy. He dresses her ridiculously, lets her pull his hair and play with his glasses. And he sees her. He doesn’t see her diagnosis, or her delays. He sees his little girl. He rejoices loudly in her victories and he tears up over old pictures of her. He thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread. It obvious, isn’t it?


Though I could go on and on, the baby is stirring and the puppy is bored. Like, seriously… I had to make collages because all I wanted to do was to put picture after picture on this post… to help me speak the 1000s of words I can’t write.

The best thing about Ben is that he has shown me what a Father’s love is: unconditional, unflinching, undeniable. Watching him be E’s Papa shows me how my Heavenly Father loves me… unconditionally. Unflinchingly. Undeniably. Watching E love her Papa teaches me how to be a good daughter. To reach for Him with a smile, to be comforted by Him, to trust Him with every piece of my life. To snuggle into Him and rest, knowing that He is holding me, and I am safe.


My. heart. is. going. to. explode.




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