From the beginning of our journey with E, I felt called to walk our path with transparency, since I far too often place an “Everything is GREAT!” smiley face sticker onto every situation we encounter. We realized that we had accidentally isolated ourselves from people who genuinely wanted to know and walk with us by saying that all was well when it wasn’t. However, I feel that I may have let the pendulum swing too far. I now have allowed a “Woe is me” attitude to dominate my life and my presence with others.
Now, there is something to be said for allowing oneself to fully feel and work their emotions when going through trials. Putting the smiley face sticker on a difficult situation and not allowing the pain, hurt, fear, and other emotions to come out is dangerous. Not only does it bottle up emotions, I truly believe it robs someone of the opportunity for vulnerability with others and the experience of the Lord’s comfort in a special way. God uses every part of our lives for His glory and for our refinement. Not one thing goes to waste.
I have allowed woe to be my companion for some time now. My conversations with others have almost always focused on me, my troubles. I think, “Why me? Why us? Why her?” over and over again. I allow myself to sit and stew.
Our friends and family have been incredibly gracious. Seeking us out, offering us breaks, giving to us so generously in both tangible ways and encouraging words. It has been a very humbling time.
Yet, even with all of the good I still focus on the bad. Some days I reach bedtime with E and realize I had been stewing so much that day I didn’t take time to realize the so many good things that had happened. Our thank you notes remain unwritten, our house is messy, and E is growing up. So fast. There is so much good, so many blessings that I will miss with my soul downcast.
At church on Sunday I knew the Lord was speaking directly to me, in my pain, in my hurt. As tears filled my eyes during the last song, I looked around and saw many, many people crying as well. He was also speaking to them, in their hurt, in their pain. Each person I meet is fighting a battle, I am not the only weary one. I am not the only one who ends some days in tears, wishing for a different life and wondering “Why me?”
So I am saying, shouting, proclaiming, declaring, “WOE NO MOE!”
My calling is a calling from the Lord… to walk with transparency… but in order for something to be transparent, there needs to be LIGHT. I cannot walk in the light with such woe and darkness in my heart.
Friends. You have each been incredible during this time, attempting to lift my countenance, coming alongside and carrying me. Thank you. Please let me return the favor. We have a long journey to walk ahead of us. May we keep our eyes and our hearts lifted up and carry each other when woe comes to visit.