I feel like the past 18 months have made me an excellent “waiter”.
I know if I call any sort of agency I will be placed on hold, and so I put my phone on speaker and start doing the dishes. It doesn’t bother me, I know they’re busy.
We’ve become pros at waiting rooms. We know what toys to bring, how to cycle through them, and when to transfer E to the other spouse’s waiting arms. We know exactly how to get E to sleep when we’re waiting during her nap time. We pass so much time in those small, bland rooms… Yet, there’s a certain level of peace in those rooms, a quiet. A place to reflect and prepare. A place where our only job is to wait.
I am realizing that lately, though I’ve become a pro at waiting… my patience is lacking. I feel like when it comes to life, I’m constantly on the edge of my seat, tapping my foot and checking my watch.
“What’s next?” I wonder, “What’s coming?” How many things can I do to prepare, to control in order to move this process along? How long will I be here? When will I know the next step? Tell me. Tell me. TELL ME NOW.
And I’m learning that, at least for now, my life needs to imitate my reality. Our future with E is so uncertain, with so many unknowns. And where we are at looks a lot like a waiting room. Where we wait for what is to come… whether it be the long wait until Heaven, or the short wait until next week. Our job right now… is to wait. Our names will eventually be called, news will be given, and fresh steps will be taken. There’s nothing I can do to hurry the process. I can only accept that waiting is a requirement and patience is necessary. I can sit, rest, reflect, and prepare for what is to come. I can hold E a little tighter, and patiently wait.
Friend. Waiting is easy, patience is hard. I pray that if your appointment has not yet come that you can learn (alongside me), what it means to be truly patient in the waiting for His plan.